INFORMATION

This website uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some of these cookies are essential to make our site work and others help us to improve by giving us some insight into how the site is being used. For further information, see our Privacy Policy.

God was a Jew and other jokes

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
Message
Author
VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#221 Postby VINDICATOR » December 12th, 2017, 12:44 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

Hi Tetenterre,
I told my Pastafarian friend about the FSM sticker on your car and he's very grateful to you. He says that some day Pastafaria wll be the main "religion", with all the others gone extinct! I said that some day all religions will go extinct including Pastafaria. He said that then Pastafaria will have accomplished it's historical mission and we will be honored for it! Presently Pastafaria is still struggling for recognition. For instance when they take a photo for their drivers license they will wear a collander which is the official headwear of the Pastafarians. Sometimes it has to be done several times before they accept it.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#222 Postby VINDICATOR » December 14th, 2017, 5:22 am

If you want some laughs, just watch the US political news. Lots of big shots have been accused of "abusing" girls and are losing their status and even their lives.
Just today I heard that the Kentuckey State Rep. and Preacher Dan Johnson has committed suicide because he has been accused of rape. Some of his last words are "only God knows the truth" "I love God" "Heaven is my home"! Then he shot himself!
If he thinks that he can find sex in Heaven then he has another think coming! The only activity he will find in his Heaven is the singing of hossannahs 24/7/52! Even God and his sons (Nephilim) had to come down to Earth for sex!
If he wants to have sex in Heaven he'll have to convert to Islam where he can get 72 gorgeous virgin sex slaves! If I believed in after-life I would choose Allah to worship!

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#223 Postby VINDICATOR » December 15th, 2017, 11:03 am

Extra! Extra! Read all about it.
I just saw on CNN that the Catholic Church in Australia has been charged with sexually abusing 4444 children! There's nothing special about that. What I can't understand is why the Australian government is going to use the tax-payer's money to compensate $150,000 for each victim. That's equivalent to giving the Church $700 million!! If I were a tax-paying Australian, I wouldn't take that lying down. I would take up my gun and Overturn the Turnbull gang!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#224 Postby VINDICATOR » December 16th, 2017, 11:56 am

America has gone completely mad. A Boston University professor has declared that the Christmas carol "Jingle Bells" is racist! Some say that "White Christmas" is racist. Do you sing these carols in England?

:D :D :D :D

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#225 Postby VINDICATOR » December 17th, 2017, 12:00 pm

Actually, the Great Grand-daddy of racism is God! My very first joke on this forum, "God was a Jew", is not wrong. See God's racist activity listed below.

1-God created only 2 people, both were Jews. Why didn't he create the other races? The blacks, yellow, whites, reds, etc. ?
2-God called the Jews his "Chosen People" and spent thousands of years helping them to find the "Promised Land". Why didn't he help to free the black slaves? Even today there are slaves in North Africa and the ME, how about them?
3-When God murdered all the people of the Earth in a Great Flood, He didn't forget to save the Jews. He put 8 of them on the Ark so they could repopulate the whole World with Jews. All the other races were wiped out!!!
4-Why did God have a son by a Jewish virgin? Why not a black one? Is it because he wanted his son to be a Jew?

However, I don't hold it against the Jews. The Jews were vindicated when Hitler murdered half the World population of Jews and God didn't lift a finger to save a single one of them! On the contrary it was the Atheist Schindler who saved more than a thousand of them! That's why Jefferson said that God is untrustworthy! The Jews did nothing wrong. God did all the wrong-doing! Many of my best friends are Jews.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#226 Postby VINDICATOR » December 18th, 2017, 11:27 am

Today let's have some anagrams. Using the letters of one word or phrase to recombine into another word or phrase with associated meaning. For example, "Best in prayer" and "Presbyterian" use the same letters. "Astronomer" is "moon starer","a rope ends it" is "desperation", etc. See how many you can recombine.

1-they see 2-dirty room 3-here come the dots 4-slot machine 5-animosity 6- election results 7-snooze alarms 8-I'm a dot in place 9 that queer shake 10-eleven plus two 11- mother in law

Anyone getting half of them right gets a Noble Prize.
:) :) :)

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3190
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#227 Postby Tetenterre » December 18th, 2017, 4:15 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:A Boston University professor has declared that the Christmas carol "Jingle Bells" is racist! Some say that "White Christmas" is racist. Do you sing these carols in England?
Not personally (although I will be singing a new version, penned by a friend, of the first one on our radio show this coming Saturday - Forest FM Saturday Bash if anyone's interested in wasting 3 hours of your life you'll never get back).

But I understand that Buffy was a fan of the first one, on account of its refrain, which extols the pleasure to be derived from singing "a slaying song tonight", and that Hendrik Verwoerd liked the second because he too mistakenly thought that "I'm dreaming of a white Xmas" was racist. :laughter:

Carol singing is a social pastime in the UK (possibly derived from wassailing?). When I was a student in the '70s, the London University colleges went a-caroling to raise money for homelessness charities. Our (King's College) patch included Soho. There's something satisfying about standing outside a seedy strip club singing "O come all ye faithful!" We also learned that if, on the first refrain, we bellowed "O come let us IGNORE him", almost everybody immediately forgets what the proper words are. :D

And no, my sense of humour hasn't matured much since then...
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#228 Postby VINDICATOR » December 19th, 2017, 12:11 pm

Hi Tetenterre,
I know very little about those things you mention like "Saturday Bash", "Buffy", etc. I read mostly news on the net. I like to watch the fight going on between the Trump team and the Hillory team. If they keep it up it will be a new civil war!
I liked your "O come let us ignore him"! Yes, that's how I'll sing it next time!
Actually, the real racist is God, as I expounded in my Dec. 17th post. To redeem himself, God should have a different color for each fall of snow. White, black, yellow, red, brown, etc. He should also have rainbow colored snow to make up for the nasty things he said about the LGBTQ in the Bible!
:laughter: :laughter: :laughter:

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3190
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#229 Postby Tetenterre » December 19th, 2017, 6:07 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:I know very little about those things you mention like "Saturday Bash", "Buffy",


Buffy

Saturday Bash
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#230 Postby VINDICATOR » December 20th, 2017, 12:16 pm

Hi Tetenterre,
Never mind Buffy and Bash. Did you resolve any of those anagrams I gave you? Here are some more hints:
They see=the eyes,
dirty room=dormitory,
here come the dots=the morse code,
slot machine=cash lost in me.
You do the rest. The Noble Prize is waiting for you.
:)

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3190
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#231 Postby Tetenterre » December 20th, 2017, 4:27 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:Did you resolve any of those anagrams I gave you?
Remind me, please (senile). URL?
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6021
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#232 Postby animist » December 20th, 2017, 10:31 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:America has gone completely mad. A Boston University professor has declared that the Christmas carol "Jingle Bells" is racist! Some say that "White Christmas" is racist. Do you sing these carols in England?

:D :D :D :D
sadly yes, and actually I personally quite enjoy banging out "Jingle Bells" on the old piano, which is so out-of-tune that any mistakes from me don't matter too much! Actually I have a book of seasonal songs and much prefer the more modern and slightly anti-Xmasy ones like "It's gonna be a cold and lonely Xmas" and the Emerson Lake and Palmer one (cannot recall the title, maybe you know it). Why is "Jingle Bells" racist?

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6021
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#233 Postby animist » December 20th, 2017, 10:37 pm

Tetenterre wrote:
VINDICATOR wrote:Did you resolve any of those anagrams I gave you?
Remind me, please (senile). URL?
TT, for all you know, Vinnie is older than you :wink:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#234 Postby VINDICATOR » December 21st, 2017, 2:09 pm

Come on you all, no name-calling on this forum, including self-defamation. We will all be going where we came from in the not too distant future! Just be thankful for the short time we can be here and make the most of it.
Kyna Hamill,the Boston University professor that said that Jingle Bells is racist is because when it came out in 1857 it was first performed by black faced minstrels (Whites with blackened faces). Now do you understand? The BLM (Black Lives Matter)and other such extremists took up the war cry years ago, and I imagine that almost all the songs including Stephen Foster will be outlawed soon! They have already black-listed the National Anthem (The Star-Spangled Banner) as racist as you probably know. Do any of you know how the lyrics go?
Here is some good news for you. Almost all of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were slave owners, (such as Washington, Jefferson, etc.) therefor it was also racist and will be declared invalid! That means that America is still a British colony and we must all sing "God save the Queen!" That has not been declared racist yet!

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#235 Postby VINDICATOR » December 22nd, 2017, 10:55 am

One of the anagrams I gave yous is very easy:
eleven plus two=? (the same number written another way)
If you can't get that, then go back to first grade!
Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Yuletide! Merry ChriFSMas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy solstice. ETC.

:smile: :smile:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#236 Postby VINDICATOR » December 25th, 2017, 11:53 am

Merry Christmas etc.

First let me tell you how the Pope ruined my Christmas again. He presided over the funeral of the "Harvy Weinstein of the Catholic Church", the former Archbishop of Boston, Cardinal Law. He's the one who covered up for those pedophile priests that raped and abused thousands of children. Just as the police where going to arrest him he escaped to the Vatican where he was protected by Pope Francis! In the past I wondered how God could tolerate so many pedophiles in his Church. Then one day I realized that it was because God was a pedophile himself! He raped the virgin Mary when she was twelve! Most civilized countries have a law making it a crime of rape to have sex with a girl of 14 or younger, even if the girl condescends. That's why the Catholic Church can never solve their pedophile problem!

Now here's some Christmas jokes to make you merry:
1- What is Santa Claus doing in the garden?--------------Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!
2-What disease do you get from eating Christmas decorations?------------tinselitis!
3-What do you call fear of Santa Claus?--------------Claus-trophobia!
4-How do you describe Santa Clause walking backward?--------------Oh! Oh! Oh!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#237 Postby VINDICATOR » December 28th, 2017, 2:34 pm

Happy Hanukkah!
A few days ago I happened to meet my Jewish friend. After exchanging greetings I noticed that he seemed to be a bit sad. This is a brief of our discussion:
Me: What makes you so melancholy ?
He: We Jews are like a child with no parents, that's not something to be merry about.
Me: Today is the Golden Age of the Jews. You have your own Country, You are very rich and powerful, and have powerful friends, and don't have to worry about holocausts any more. What more do you want?
He: But our souls are empty, and that is most important.
Me: I don't know what you mean, please explain.
He: We Jews are very religious, but our religion is in catastrophy!
Me: How come?
He: We have lost our God!
Me: What?!
He: We worshipped the God of Abraham. He led us out of slavery and led us victoriously for thousands of years. He called us his "Chosen People" leading us to our "Promised Land". He promised to give us a Messiah. We had a covenant with him. He loved us Jews so much that after he wiped out the whole human race in a Great Flood he let 8 Jews repopulate the whole world! Everyone on Earth is a Descendent of these 8 Jews!
Me: Yes I know.
He: However, He double-crossed us. He never gave us a "Promised Land" or a "Messiah".
Me: Isn't Isreal your Promised Land, isn't Jesus the Messiah?
He: Isreal was not given to us by God. It was created by the Western Democracies. Jesus is not our Messiah, he's the Christian Messiah!
Me: Well God still loves you.
He: No he doesn't. When Hitler murdered 6 million of us he didn't lift a finger to save a single one of us! It was the Atheist Oskar Schindler who saved over a thousand of us. There were Poles and even Chinese who were saving us, but God didn't save a single one! He double crossed us!
Me: Well, what can you do about it?
He: You Christians better watch out. God is double crossing you too!
Me: Hey wait a minute. I forgot to tell you that I don't believe in your God any More.
He: He's not my God any more. He's not the Christian God any more either. He changed his name to "Allah" and is now the God of "The Religion of Peace"! He's helping them to establish a World-wide Kaliphate. He ordered them to kidnap hundreds of Christian school-girls for sex-slaves! He directs them to blow up Christian Churches killing hundrds of Christians!
Me: Why would he do that?
He: God wants to be the God of the World! When he realized that the Jews and the Christians were incapable of attaining that goal he made a new covenant with Islam!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#238 Postby VINDICATOR » December 31st, 2017, 11:08 am

Merry Christmas!
The American Taliban BLM division is getting really hillarious. After claiming Jingle Bells, National Anthem, Stephen Foster, etc. are racist, now News Week has an article saying "Merry Christmas" is racist! It says whenTrump says he wants to "bring back Merry Christmas" he is using the same trick Hitler did when the Nazis "Stole Christmas" to promote white nationalism! I'm not keen on Trump but I believe the "Merry Christmas" greeting was not invented by Hitler or Trump!
As I said, if the Taliban really wants to de-racistize the USA, they should declare the Declaration of Independence invalid, since almost all of the signers were slave owners, such as Washington and Jefferson! Then we would still be a British colony and would sing "God save the Queen". I don't think that that has been declared racist YET!

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#239 Postby VINDICATOR » January 11th, 2018, 3:12 pm

Hi everybody! I'm back from my vacation with some more geeky thoughts i'd like to share with my friends here. The title of today's post is:
Man is more righteous than God! What role did God play in the Holocaust? Who were helping the Jews?
There were many people helping the Jews during the Holocaust. Here is a partial list:

Oskar Schindler, a Moravian Atheist. He saved at least 1200 Jews from the gas chambers. They even made a movie about it "The Scindler List". He is the most popularized.
Irena Sendler, a Polish Catholic saved at least 2500, mostly children. She sneaked them out in her service truck. Eventually she was arrested and underwent horrible torture but didn't give away a single name of the escapees which she had a hidden list of!
Ho FengShan, a Chinese Buddhist, Chinese Consul General to Vienna. He saved almost 10 thousand Jews by issuing visas for them to go to shanghai which was very dangerous for him. Very few of them actually went to shanghai, but the visa allowed them to ecape from the Third Reich.
There are many more from at least 12 different countries, but these three are the principle ones.
It is interesting to note that not a single jew was saved by God, in spite of their covenant, Whereas these humans were risking life and limb to save all those total strangers!
Israel honors these people and gives them the title "Righteous Among the Nations".

The more I analyse God, the more I realise how God is narcissistic, evil, selfish, jealous, unscrupulous, immoral, untrustworthy, a scoundrel and a con man! God's treatment of the Jews is the greatest double cross in the history of mankind! God says he freed the Jews from slavery (a lie) and led them to their promised land (another lie) made a covenant with them (a trick) and called them his "Chosen People"! The Jews worshipped this God who called himself the "God of Abraham" for thousands of years making him famous, until the Christians came on the scene. Then God shifted his base to the Christians. Even his son who was born by a Jewish virgin was given over to the Christians! The Christians were murdering the Jews for Centuries and God didn't lift a finger to help them.

As my Jewish friend said,Christians should be aware! God has changed his name to Allah and has shifted his base to Islam. He has ordered his Muslims (Boko Haram) to kidnap hundreds of Christian school girls for sex slaves!
He orders his Muslims to blow up Christian Churches killing hundreds of worshippers! You might be the next victim!

If God had any shame, he should crawl under the bed and hide his face!

Compassionist
Posts: 3221
Joined: July 14th, 2007, 8:38 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#240 Postby Compassionist » January 11th, 2018, 10:14 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:Hi everybody! I'm back from my vacation with some more geeky thoughts i'd like to share with my friends here. The title of today's post is:
Man is more righteous than God! What role did God play in the Holocaust? Who were helping the Jews?
There were many people helping the Jews during the Holocaust. Here is a partial list:

Oskar Schindler, a Moravian Atheist. He saved at least 1200 Jews from the gas chambers. They even made a movie about it "The Scindler List". He is the most popularized.
Irena Sendler, a Polish Catholic saved at least 2500, mostly children. She sneaked them out in her service truck. Eventually she was arrested and underwent horrible torture but didn't give away a single name of the escapees which she had a hidden list of!
Ho FengShan, a Chinese Buddhist, Chinese Consul General to Vienna. He saved almost 10 thousand Jews by issuing visas for them to go to shanghai which was very dangerous for him. Very few of them actually went to shanghai, but the visa allowed them to ecape from the Third Reich.
There are many more from at least 12 different countries, but these three are the principle ones.
It is interesting to note that not a single jew was saved by God, in spite of their covenant, Whereas these humans were risking life and limb to save all those total strangers!
Israel honors these people and gives them the title "Righteous Among the Nations".

The more I analyse God, the more I realise how God is narcissistic, evil, selfish, jealous, unscrupulous, immoral, untrustworthy, a scoundrel and a con man! God's treatment of the Jews is the greatest double cross in the history of mankind! God says he freed the Jews from slavery (a lie) and led them to their promised land (another lie) made a covenant with them (a trick) and called them his "Chosen People"! The Jews worshipped this God who called himself the "God of Abraham" for thousands of years making him famous, until the Christians came on the scene. Then God shifted his base to the Christians. Even his son who was born by a Jewish virgin was given over to the Christians! The Christians were murdering the Jews for Centuries and God didn't lift a finger to help them.

As my Jewish friend said,Christians should be aware! God has changed his name to Allah and has shifted his base to Islam. He has ordered his Muslims (Boko Haram) to kidnap hundreds of Christian school girls for sex slaves!
He orders his Muslims to blow up Christian Churches killing hundreds of worshippers! You might be the next victim!

If God had any shame, he should crawl under the bed and hide his face!

God is imaginary. Being disappointed with God is like being disappointed with Santa. Please see: http://godisimaginary.com and http://skepticsannotatedbible.com

VINDICATOR
Posts: 317
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#241 Postby VINDICATOR » January 12th, 2018, 2:25 am

Dear Compassionist,
Thanks for the comment. I agree with you, of course God is imaginary. However, more than half the population of the Earth worship this imaginary God who used to call himself "The God of Abraham" and now calls himself "Allah"! This imaginary God has created more suffering than any other. He has caused the murder of hundreds of millions of human beings! Even today he has created this crisis in the Middle East where he created millions of refugees and is murdering hundreds of people every week! Although God is imaginary, the human suffering he creates is very real!
Only children believe in Santa Claus. Why do so many sane adults believe in God? If we can't solve this problem, homo sapiens might go the way of the dinosaurs! I am just trying to do my bit to save the human race! Humanity produces heros like Schindler, Sendler, Ho FengShan, etc. We need your help too!


Return to “Comedy Club”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests